SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey, welcome to Pretty Gay Problems. I'm your host, Tiny, and of course we have our lovely Japan here with us.

SPEAKER_03 0:08

Oh wow. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 0:11

If this is your first time here, baby, welcome. Around here we laugh, we heal, we spill, and a little tea. Um so basically, you're gonna leave here with some type of blessing. You ain't gonna leave here without nothing, not knowing nothing. Something gonna be new to you. All right, today we have our incredible guest, uh April here. If you'll go ahead and introduce yourself to the PGP um family.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Okay, hey PGP family. I'm everybody's favorite fat girl that's PH A T, not F-A-T. Yeah, and I'm here to bring life, love, and help you remind your body that the mind is the biggest muscle and transformation star in the mind. And I am here to bless you with all the gems that I have to offer today.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

Okay, period. I know. Thank you for joining us. I've really been I really real life been look waiting to get to episode four because I was like, I can't wait to get to this one. I can't wait to get to this one. Like, I'm like, I can't wait to get to this one. Um, just a little icebreaker. We'll do a little ice. We're gonna do a little different. We're gonna do a little icebreaker. What's one thing about what's one thing about uh one thing about you that people never guess by look just looking at you?

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Oh, me? Yeah, look at this go first, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

So I can get um I used to work in the adult entertainment industry.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

Oh what about you, Jaffe?

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Well, dang, I can't feel that one now. I can't um oh sorry. That's a good one, though. I could have used that. Um I used to own a cat. I I like cats. Yeah, you know, they think black people don't like cats, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 2:16

But um I could you know, I could not see you with no cat.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

I used to own a cat, yeah. Honestly, because my dog, he's petty as well.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Yeah, I gave it for cats a whole nother malicious. They don't care, they give zero.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

They sneaky. First of all, they don't like at least with a dog, it warns you when it's gonna look I'm gonna stop by you first, it's gonna start by you first, and then it's gonna, then it's gonna, then it's gonna, it's it's it's it's so many signs before. Wait a minute, let me like not you just pop me in my face for no reason, just because you listen at me and I breathe.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

I'm hollering.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

I don't know for me. I something that hmm, I would say not a lot of people think that I'm really like a a a bookworm and a gamer. Like a lot of people don't assume that, especially like with the life I live, they don't be assumed that I be reading books. I guess they just think I'm just I just be I mean, I be having my slow moments, but I'm very knowledgeable.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

I'm very knowledgeable.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

Don't hold the hope. Everybody have a slow moment. I ain't gonna even put it to you for real. No, you mean some stuff go out. I don't know what happened.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

I'll be here like, wait a minute, where we so that was our let's get into the conversation. Um so it's gonna be about surviving, about healing, it's about learning how to recognize yourself again after you try to convince you was broken. All right, so um, let's go ahead and get into it. Um let's see, we're gonna have to get into it. So y'all make sure y'all got y'all drinks, y'all comfortable?

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Yes, y'all ready? And this is not C T, this is wine because this is okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

My go-to what's what's that? The red wine.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

What is it?

SPEAKER_00 4:26

It's cabernet, sweet red by Soder Holmes.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Oh, sweet red, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

I'm gonna cabernet. I know, yeah, because you know, I had surgery on my stomach, so I can't really drink alcohol anymore, so I can drink wine. So, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Okay, all right, all right. Okay, so before we talk about um everything, you survive. Um, who is April today?

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Oh, girl, I don't know. Hold on. A crazy person. Oh lord, I'm gonna play now.

SPEAKER_02 5:05

I told you, we I told you we better get in deep. We better get in deep.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

Um me, April, I'm a survivor. I mean, I keep surviving every day. Like I spoke earlier, my grandson has leukemia. We've been fighting this battle for him for a better part of a year. I'm a grandmother, I'm a mother, I'm a wife, I'm strong. Um and I feel like I've been placed in this whole thing that's called earth to ignite my voice and anybody else's voice that hears it, that has a story to tell. That's who I am today.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

Yes. If I really knew how to use this thing, I would have done the little hand clap, uh little sound. But oh girl.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

Not the up. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:03

All right, so if the younger veteran was walking in the room right now, what do you think she'll notice first?

SPEAKER_00 6:13

Um, was it was it pre-abuse or post-abuse? Because I just be like run, bitch, run. Oh, can I say bitch? Oh, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 6:21

Um you can say I have I haven't edited on to where it's a mature adults only. You can okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Pre-abuse, I would probably say don't look twice. Um because like I had I had a good I got a good head on my shoulder. I was a bookworm, uh, a student, and I I met a guy that was selling drugs and knew I shouldn't have been there, but you know, of course, your heart doesn't meet up with your mind sometimes. I would say use your head and that feeling in your stomach, listen to it. I would say those things.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

Okay, I like that. I like that. I definitely like that. I'm just gonna ask you Japan too, just because I mean this is her interview, but I wouldn't know your answer.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

I wouldn't say that because I know she be she be sneaky, she'll be like, oh, and what about you? Oh, prepare herself. Um, what would I tell my younger self? Um what I started thinking about was like the self-worth and self-esteem, like you know, letting younger self, younger me know like she was pretty. She, you know, like you are beautiful already. And regardless of size and how big you thought you were or whatever, whatever, girl, like girl, you're pretty.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Let me start talking to you, T.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

Yes. Uh, I would think that for me, I would say, um, I would tell my younger self if she walked into the room right now, um, don't speak scared to speak up for yourself. Yeah, like don't yeah, don't be scared to speak up for yourself. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

But you know, we we taught to be seen and not heard. And yeah, as young ladies growing up, you know, it is and it's like even though I walked around, nobody around me knew I was getting my ass kicked at home because I always smile, you know what I'm saying? Because in our head, we hear what goes on in my house, stay in my house. Yeah, you know, it's it's like we gotta stop doing it. We gotta break these this staying silent crap. It gotta go.

SPEAKER_02 8:49

Yeah, no, okay. I definitely agree. So looking back, um, where what were the red flags you didn't recognize at the time?

SPEAKER_00 9:01

For my abuse, yes. I recognized them all. I overlooked them. I love you. I I love this man, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, when I was stuffing drugs with my cooch, I love this man, you know what I'm saying? Brady, stuffing drugs with my cooch. I love this man. This this man loved me. We together, he with me. You know, even though you was cheating, even though you was beating my butt, I loved you, and I felt like I wanted the Cosby family. I felt like I wanted my family to stay together. I came from broken homes, so I wanted my children to have a mother and a father, so I tolerated. I tolerated to give my children what I feel like I needed, feel like I didn't have. I I seen them all, I seen them all, and and it's like I looked over and I could change him, I can change him, I can do, I can make them do better, you know. Yeah, I saw them all. I didn't miss nothing. I saw I just chose to ignore them.

SPEAKER_02 9:55

See, that's that's basically like what I was saying on uh episode two about happiness, how a lot of parents hide a lot of stuff from their kids when they they think their kids is they that the parents is happy when we have to hide a lot of stuff because we don't want them to see us like that.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

But children see more than we think they do, mm-hmm. Yeah, and they know more than we think they do. And the reason why I stayed with my kids, and they the reason why I left. So I had to think about it. Like, I got a son, I got a daughter. Do I want my daughter growing up thinking that it's okay for somebody to choke you out in the middle of the floor? Or I don't want my son thinking it's okay for you to for you to punch a woman in the face, that ain't okay. So I had to make a conscious decision.

SPEAKER_02 10:39

Yeah, yeah. So yeah, that was gonna be my next question. Um, when did you learn? When did you understand that you deserve more? And you just answered that.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

So I really didn't answer that because it wasn't that I deserved more, I never felt that I deserved more. I didn't think of myself at all. Myself was never in the equation of me leaving. I promise you, if I didn't have any kids, I probably would still be with this man today. But I felt like my kids didn't deserve me seeing didn't deserve seeing me go through that, they didn't deserve seeing being put through that. And I tell people today because I say not through speaking engagement, I tell people that you can't leave for you because if you did, you would have been left a long time ago. So you gotta find somebody you love more than yourself and walk away from them.

SPEAKER_02 11:27

Yes, yeah, girl.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

You she she said, she is not wrong, she's not wrong, and it goes back to like you were saying the last episode. Well, actually, you were talking about the other episode, happiness, but I'm thinking about um the one we were talking about, Queer Love. Um, and I was just telling Christian, I wanted to add this part in there, um, where I was talking about the book with Bell Hooks and all about love and stuff, and how she talks about um like where you get your like like how you not even how you grew up, but like where you get your like vision of love from, or like what you think about love, like where you get it from.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

And um your parents, who else you got it from?

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Yeah, and so it's like you either get it from that or you know, books fantasy, yeah. Like, but that's what that was one of the things in my thing. I'm thinking about like I didn't really I don't think I ever saw from my parents, like per se, but that that's a whole nother thing. But yes, that is one of the ones that from your parents from how you grow up, like that's one of the things. Yeah, yeah. Generational curses, girl, and choosing to break them or continue, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:47

And that's been the thing, that's what we tell them. That's is we talked about that, like in it's like everything that we're talking about right now. I feel like it it went to it. But we talked about them in different seasons because like even the first season we talked about our family curses, and so well, I mean the first season we talked about our family curses and stuff like that. I was like, that this is so perfect.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

We did, yes.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

Yeah, so all right, so what is um what is something people don't understand about uh surviving abuse until they actually have to live it?

SPEAKER_00 13:20

They think it's it's a choice. They think it's a choice. They think oh you you must like it because you stay there. Sometimes it's not easy to walk away. Sometimes people don't realize the most deadliest part of abuse is when you try to walk away. Because as long as they feel like they have control over you, you safe. When they try to kill you. They try to stop you from moving on. And we know that. This man said if I leave him, he's gonna kill me, and we know he's gonna do what he's gonna do because he do what he feels like. I ain't gonna even say man, woman, because women can can be abusive as well. But they feel like getting out is easy. Like just walk away. But when I walked away, when I ran away with my kids, this man showed up to my house with a gun and pulled a gun to my head and pulled a trigger. Like it wasn't nothing but God why I'm here today. And I can't even tell you why when it's so many people that have lost their lives, the same exact situation, and I'm here breathing air. And I I have survived remorse all the time, that's why I keep writing books with like why me? Why am I so worthy? And they wasn't, you know what I'm saying? It's like getting out is the hardest part. It's like it's so many oh, you can leave if you was doing this, he doing that, you can go. You chose to stay. I chose to survive because I had three kids that I didn't want to have to bury. I chose I wanna have to bury myself, so I methodically planned on the leaving, you know. But sometimes leaving is not as easy as it's times.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Um yeah, all right. So that's what I I think that's um that's what the main thing that came in my head before I even asked the question is a lot of people do think that okay, why you just in leave? I mean, you can see like even like when they be making like some of these movies that um it's like they try to leave, they get beat up, they it get they but like you know, they be based on true stories, so it's not like okay, I couldn't leave. Like I just want to I want to get my ass beat every day, like you know, like it no, of course nobody wants to go through that. So I definitely I definitely understand. Yeah, I definitely understand. Um, so if someone's listening right now, um, and what if someone's listening right now and they're silently surviving today, what's something you would want them to hear? Like what's something you would tell them?

SPEAKER_00 15:50

Your voice matters and what you are going through matters. And like I said, you gotta have an exit plan. You can't just up and leave because most people die going back for their things. They die going back home to get the that stuff is materialistic. I left houses behind so many times. Get out. Don't go back. If you gotta hide yourself for a minute to let get out. Make an exit plan somebody who you trust that won't blab about what you're doing to nobody else, that'll help you escape and let you lie low for a minute to everything is set in place that you need to be set in place, do it. It's okay. You know what I'm saying? It's okay to it's okay to feel the feeling the feelings that you feel. Like I still today feel worthless. I'm not gonna even lie to you guys. I I take four psych meds a day. I suffer from PTSD, I have anxiety through the roof, I have panic attacks. Some days it's even hard for me to get out of bed for the trauma that I suffer in my abuse that I'm still dealing with mentally because bruises here. The mental stuff does not. It still plays in your head. So I say you are okay, you will be okay. It may not seem like it now. Wait, make your exit plan and follow through with it. Don't go back for nothing. I don't care what it is. Anything that you in that house that with that person can be replaced. Get the safety and you stay safe. That's it. Yeah, I love it.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

Yes, very intentional and strategic. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

Yes, okay. But it's worth it. Um, people surviving, people think surviving is the hardest part, but sometimes it's the healing part that is the hardest part. Um so when did you realize um when did you realize at what point did you realize that yeah, you deserve to just go ahead and heal? Listen.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

I'm gonna be honest with y'all. Two years ago is when I stopped surviving and started healing. I'm not gonna even tell you no lie. But you can you can read my book. It's called Hey Fat Girl, A Fat Girl's Guy Loving Yourself Back to Life. Um two years ago, I was teetering a scale over 400 times. And I did not understand that I was an emotional eater. From everything that I've been like I said, I was rape when I was 16. I've been through domestic violence, all those things played a part into me eating my pain. I was teetering 400 pounds. And I felt like I was gonna die if I didn't make a change. Because I was pr I was surviving. I was just surviving. Because when I started loving myself, I deserve to be here. I need to be here. I got six grandsons. You need to be a grandmother, you need to stop surviving and start healing. And I start choosing me. So I'm not gonna even be honest, like I still suffer from stuff. I've I'm still trying to figure out this survival stuff and this healing journey, and it's like it's not an everyday thing, it's not an easy journey, it's highs and lows. We be so harsh to ourselves because we are worse critics. And it took me to look at myself in the mirror and be like, what happened to you? I lost 131 pounds. Um looking better, living better. I can breathe, I can walk, I play with my grandkids because I stopped surviving and started healing. Surviving is one part. We gotta get past that surviving. We coke, I was drinking the coke, I was smoking, I was doing stuff, the coke, easing my pain. I was listening to my body, you know what I'm saying? And then my body was like, Hey, we're about to check out. I started getting high blood pressure. I had to go to the cardiologist, my heart wasn't fucking, I had to take all these tests because my body was wearing thin. I was living in fight and flight mode every day, you know what I'm saying? Your body won't forget nothing, so we gotta start being more gentle with ourselves. I'm telling my client that the other day, you gotta start giving yourself grace.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

Surviving is that part why right now I will not like you. Oh my god, sorry, because that's what means.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Yes, we gotta be more gentle to ourselves, we gotta be more gentle, more patient because it took me.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

I'm about that moment.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

I ain't gonna tell you how how old I am, I'm not gonna even say that. But it took me this part this long to get here. It ain't gonna happen overnight, so you gotta let that go. Be more gentle with yourself. Okay, it happened. We didn't let that happen to ourselves, but it's okay if we went through that. We're here now. We're gonna move forward, we're gonna love on ourselves, we're gonna do self-care, self-love, and anybody who ain't a part of that self-love and stuff, you can't be a part of my boat because I'm gonna love me regardless. If you can't get with the program, you need to get gone.

SPEAKER_02 21:22

You is not gonna have me on here emotional. That's what you know literally.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

Like, I'm gonna say, please, like I'm looking at my eyes down the topic, like I'm just gonna get you today, like I'm niggas gonna be laughing and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

I'm like, I'm gonna be relating to all of that, like because we we we so judged and we have all the worst credit, we do it all the time. For what it happened, we did it, we went through it, we lived it, we survived it. We here now and we're gonna keep pushing. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

Because healing is it's not uh what do they say? It's not a destination, it's a journey, it's a journey, and it's like a every freaking day journey.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Like, oh my god, I'm gonna never say I take four sight mess today, and I can get up in the morning and tell you if it's gonna be a good day or a bad day. It could be as simple as me smelling somebody cologne and it had me in my in my room crying, bawling, shaking because it my body, your body don't forget that stuff, your mind don't forget, even though you feel like you don't move past that. And I'm like, how am I here? And I'm like, Wast every day, it's every day, and I'm not I don't be harsh with myself. I need a moment a day to lay in the bed. I'm gonna lay in this bed, give me my wine, don't mess with me. I need a day. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 23:00

Listen, because we need it, we need it. No, for real. I definitely mean I'm like, uh-mm. I ain't gonna be on my phone. I ain't I just everything, like I'm gonna soak in this tub a little bit. I'm gonna spend probably an hour and just relax and doing that.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

I'm still with one of my coins right now because she just got out of a very bad relationship, and it's just like she's so harsh on herself. I'll be like, please stop doing that. And it made me cringe because she's so harsh on herself. She just be so angry with something like girl, you better stop. You better go in there and light some candles and lock yourself in the bathroom. Them children be all right. Fuck them kids, I ain't gonna say it like that, but I'm just saying you know what I'm saying. You better go in there, Wu-saw, it'll be okay. Cause stop, you gotta give yourself some grace. Stop. Yeah, why are you so mean to yourself? Like you're an abuser, you or him. Like, come on, yeah, stop doing it to yourself.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

I've gotten so much better with that. That was one of my things, like being very harsh with myself. So, like, like you said, like, why am I going so hard on my own self? Like we listening to other people and just all the time.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

It's because in our mind, we knew we should have done we should have known better. You should have known better. You seen the red flag. Why the hell? And we like, girl, it happened. Okay, we we we messed up. It happened.

SPEAKER_01 24:22

And that accountability part, I've leaned into that so heavy now. Like, yeah, I it was something you had said earlier, I forgot, but I that was the word that came in my mind, like accountability, like you said, like just accepting that this happened and like yeah, like it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Yeah, because I wouldn't change. I even though if I had a choice, if I could go back, I wouldn't change my journey because I got three beautiful kids, I got six beautiful grandsons, and if I have changed directions, who know where I would have been today? I'm an author, I have several great books, I have a best, I have awards, I have a life in the health coach, I help so many people, I have a non-profit. If that if those things did not happen to me strategically, I would not be here today. So I wouldn't change nothing on my journey. I'm here because I had a lesson to learn, I learned it, I'm moving forward.

SPEAKER_02 25:20

Um I love it, I love it, I love it. So, girl, I'm loving all that, but um I don't know if I should be some tissue because I'm upper like I don't know if I have to get some tissue.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

Okay, I'm just passionate about what I do, you know what I'm saying? There's so many people there, and I did it healing, helping other people help me. And I'm gonna be honest with you, because it does. I feel like I was so alone, like I was going crazy, nobody wasn't going through this. And I started telling my story. People like girl, I promise you, the first time I got on stage and told my story, a young lady came up to me about after the after the um engagement, and she told me she had been gang raped. She said she had never told nobody. She said, healing hearing me talk about going through my rape and stuff, she wanted to go get help because she feels like she needed to go get help. She said she never told nobody she had got gang raped. In my mind, I'm like, girl, let me go with you. You know what I'm saying? Like, she was like, I never told anybody. She said, I went to a party with the free I got gangrap. I never told nobody. She said, If I want to hit, I want to move forward and hear you share your story. Get me, girl, Floor. I said, Jesus, I don't made it, I don't need to do nothing else. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 26:45

Yeah, that's the impact I want to have, like in whatever it is that I do. Like I'm still trying to figure it out, but um, like that was one of the reasons I specifically wanted to like go into law. I had a whole law school moment, but like wanted to actually like have an impact and like eventually may still go back over there. But child, that that was a lot. But that was my main reason for you know, just like you said, helping smaller minority people, whatever men, women, whoever that don't foresee. You can be an advocate, yeah, yeah. You're right. And I thought about it. Because even when you said non-profit, I'm like, I wanted to do that. I want to have a nonprofit helping younger women with their so pressing issues and all of that. Yes, like I want to like really like, and but it's just like where to start and where like starting where do you begin? Start yeah, the first thing you have to do is go ahead and start it.

SPEAKER_00 27:47

Stop requesting, start it. I mean put it down on paper, put it down on paper. Once you see it on paper, it'll go from there to flourish because it'll be out your mind, it'd be out of that thinking process. It's the next process of putting it on paper. Put it on paper, do your research, go wherever the Lord leads you to go, follow your heart is what I'm saying. Because if you follow your heart, it won't become a job, it'll become a passion, it's different, they hit different.

SPEAKER_01 28:17

Um, well, I've been started back my side hustle waxing. I've been um esthetician for like nine years, and just getting back to it. And I actually had said that today. I was like, it don't feel like work when I'm here. Like, I like I like being here, like it makes the time go by faster. Like, I genuinely love doing that, and so that's one of the ways I want to have that impact.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

I do work a full-time job too, but I'm trying to retire myself early. I can write books from anywhere, I can coach from anywhere because everything is listen, I'm about to leave these kids with their parents, I'm about to be all across the world because as soon as Trump quit but blowing up everything, but not right now because I don't feel like I'm sick of it. Well, y'all want to travel. I want to travel because and just see the world. Because, like, why? I'm still young enough to to maneuver. I can retire once I get my pension set it up and just move. Like, I want to see the world. I want to stop, I wanna stop being alive, I want to live. How about that?

SPEAKER_02 29:20

No, thanks. Absolutely. No, that's all I'm gonna see.

SPEAKER_00 29:28

I'm about to get a winnebago and drive everywhere. I park while I park out where I stay.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

Oh, winobago. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

The RVs.

SPEAKER_01 29:43

Oh, yeah. I'm laughing because that's before my time, huh?

SPEAKER_00 29:47

Don't do that.

SPEAKER_02 29:48

Because what she's saying, I was like, I was like, uh, but I didn't really know what she was talking about, so I was just gonna grieve.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

See, I know I might be older than y'all, like I got mama A, stop doing it. Why you playing? I got two kids and they 30, so I ain't gonna even play with you with it. Oh my baby is 29, so you already know.

SPEAKER_02 30:13

Oh, yeah, so we we we we got a a little vision.

SPEAKER_01 30:19

I want to ask about um with your children. So, like with everything you've gone through and um like parenting them and raising them, um how do I want to word it? Because I don't know, your story is just very similar to my mother. Um, she got raped when she was younger, and so when she tells her story and she like she grew up, when I grew up, she was very much she was just a very much a helicopter mom. And like, but like now as I've grown up and as we grow and as she shares her story and I share my story, like now her, you know, it's gotten so much better with us, but like I guess how that journey has been with like having the kids and going through that and teaching them now what you're teaching others, like just all of that.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

I wasn't a helicopter mom. I'm not gonna say that you know, um, I was a single mom. Um my kids' father was my abuser. Um I wasn't really a helicopter mom, but I let them know that every action has a reaction. So everything that you choose to do is a consequence. So be mindful of the choices that you make. And my older daughter, I had a baby at 17, she had a baby at 17. I never wanted that for her. I told her what I went through, and she still went down that road. I can't stop that. I love my grandkids, I love her. You know what I'm saying? But she's a great mom. She she's the one that has her son's the one that has leukemia. She's been she'll she'll trooper, she'll storm trooper. She don't think she is. She she had to stage now, she's thinking against herself, but she'll storm true. I see myself in her every day. Yeah, but I I just told them I I wasn't, I didn't lie to them. I didn't sugarcoat nothing. And I'm not gonna even lie to y'all. I know this is like a podcast. I know I'm sharing deep things in my life, but it came a point of my life where I couldn't feed my kids, and I went to prostitution. I went from working at an adult and tape attainment to prostitution because I had to feed my kids, and people say that oh, I ain't gonna never do that. When your kids come to you and tell you they're hungry, you're gonna do whatever you need to do. Okay, put food on the table. And I never I never sugarcoat anything with my kids. I kept it 100. I kept it 100 and life because kids see more than what you think they see, and I'd rather hear them hear it for me to hear it from on the street and they and lies come with it. So I was listen, my my kids see me as a storm trooper too. They think I know everything. I don't know everything, but they think I do. But I never sugarcoated nothing. I was real world with them, and my kids want to smoke weed. I'm live. I was one of those parents that smoke weed with their kids. So I've rather I really smoke weed with me in here and go out there and get somebody to put something in your stuff and you get something happening. No, no, so you know what I'm saying. Like, I would I was one of those parents, like they started smoking weed at 15, 16, bringing it home. I got look, go in the closet, roll it up. You know what I'm saying? I was one of those parents, I was real world. I I cannot lie, I told them life, you know, yeah, and they they went through life eyes open, and that was it.

SPEAKER_01 33:27

Yeah, that's one of the things, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:31

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 33:32

Oh no, I'm sorry, and then it cut out right at that time, too. Yeah, um, I was gonna say that's one of the things now. My mom says she wish that she was doing like being more real with me and sharing that stuff, so that now, like as I'm growing up as an adult, I should have been learning this stuff, like as a teenager. So that's good. That's that's good that you've kept that.

SPEAKER_00 33:55

I did. I kept it 100 with them. Now they'd be looking at me like you soft. Now you was you they all friends, all my children my children friends like your mama gangster, and I like I'm not a gangster. I'm not a gangster. I probably but I was forced to be reckoned with. Like just don't mess with me now. You know what I'm saying? Don't play with me, you know what I'm saying? And by myself, I've been single more, even though I had I had mates throughout the years, but I was a single mom. I took care of house and home. They didn't want for nothing. This I I everything they wanted, everything they needed, I paid for out of pocket. I I got it. I wanted, I got it for them. And like this is what this this is life. Like you can't be out here playing with these people. Okay, end of the day, you show one sign of they take they they take kindness of weakness. They do. And it was not like you too aggressive. I'm not too aggressive. I'm I'm who y'all made me to be. I'm the person that y'all thought I wasn't when I wasn't saying nothing because I felt like I was supposed to be seen and not heard. But I got tired of getting my butt whooped, I got tired of people think they can take advantage of me. I got tired of being raped, I got tired of being beat on. I got tired. Listen, what you're not finna do is play in my face. I do my time, I take my three house in the cot, your honor for 200, so you can play with me. That's it.

SPEAKER_01 35:16

That's funny you say that about the aggression part. Yeah, because going uh it's why you are my mother and father in one, like what's going on? And I was like, Literally, because you had to be, but like, yeah, that aggression part, like um, my father tried to teach me that um, you know, the world is not gonna be nice to you, and so I used to think that my daddy was so mean to me. I'm like, why are you so mean? Like, but as I grew up, like one father's day, I wrote him a card saying, like, I understand now like what you were trying to prepare me for and show me with this world, because like this world is not convinced. And people get tripped off. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 36:08

And you gotta be outself too. Not saying you gotta be selfish, yeah. Don't never take for granted somebody won't hurt you because they say they love you. They're the ones they're gonna kill you. I tell my son this all the time because at the end of the day, people who get murdered out of ten is somebody who they know. Don't take none for granted. Don't take nothing by saying they're your friend for granted. Put your head on a swivel and you see everything. Pay attention to everything. Even though they say they say they joking, they ain't joking.

SPEAKER_02 36:46

So uh, like how like right now, how does peace feel for you?

SPEAKER_00 36:54

I can breathe. I see my kids flourishing. I see my grand I I have two fourteen-year-old grandsons. I have a 11-year-old grandson. Well, not 11 12, I got two fourteen, I got an 11-year-old, a six-year-old, and two three-year-old grandsons. My lineage is moving on. If I leave here today, I I know my kids will be able to take care of themselves. That's peace for me. I can die tomorrow and be at peace knowing that I have instilled in my kids the things they need to be a self-sufficient human being on planet Earth. And I won't have to worry about them. That's peace for me. I'm not running for nobody. And to be honest with you, I I love my I'm married now, I love my wife. You know what I'm saying? But if anything happened between us, I feel like I won't be in a relationship no more. I don't want to be in a relationship no more. I feel like relationships not for me. Not saying that I don't believe in love. I just feel like I don't want to cater to anybody else anymore. From the time I was 17, I've been somebody's mother, somebody's girlfriend, somebody's wife, somebody's grandmother. I just want to be able.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

Yeah. I like that. I feel like I feel like so group. This is a group question. This is a group question. So let you know Japan, I have to let Japan know she she in there. She in there.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:28

Do y'all do y'all think uh healing means never hurting again, or does it mean learning how to carry that pain without letting it carry you?

SPEAKER_00 38:38

I'm gonna say this and I'm gonna leave it alone. I'm gonna go ahead, Japan, because I know you know I'll be ready. But how can you appreciate the sun if you don't never experience the rain? I'm gonna leave it like that.

SPEAKER_01 38:51

That's look, she summed it up, huh? Like, but unfortunately, yeah, it don't mean you gon' you know, it's gonna be a couple more bumps and scrapes, and yeah, like as my mom says, it waves, it's waves of life, and you have to learn how to ride that high wave and then the low wave, and so on and so forth.

SPEAKER_00 39:15

Because you can't appreciate joy if you don't experience pain. Like, how you gonna know what joy feels like if everything in your life be be cookies in cream and sunshine? How you gonna know, you know, you're not gonna grow, you're gonna stay the same level. Yeah, the Lord test you for you to elevate.

SPEAKER_01 39:35

All right, man. Just said a word right there, okay.

SPEAKER_02 39:39

Right, all right, y'all. So let's talk about something a lot of people struggle with. Um, let's learn to choose ourselves. You just say that choose ourselves. Um so what at what point did you decide I'm choosing me?

SPEAKER_00 40:01

I just started this two years ago.

SPEAKER_01 40:05

She did. She did answer that earlier.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

Yeah, that she did that. I was like, she did say that. No, it's okay. Um everybody don't choose. I'm a Pisces, so I'm I'm a natural, I'm a natural giver. I'm a I'm a natural um lover. I love to it makes me feel full to give. I give, I cater. That's who I am as a person. But I'm learning to know the difference between who to cater to and who not to. It's my choice, it's my love language to cater. I know it. I'm accepting it now, and I know people that have those leech tendencies, leech on to people that are givers because they are takers. So I know who to recognize that are takers, and who I know. Okay, you need no bag up from me because you ain't getting there from me. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, I've throughout my years, I've learned it. I can feel it, I can stop you. I gotta meet you in one second. No, I ain't fucking with you. I'm sorry. No, I'm not missing with you. You know what I'm saying? I can't.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

Oh no, ma'am. Look, you can still hood preach.

SPEAKER_00 41:10

You could throw a little cuss word and then no, I'm not messing with you, and you know, and people be like, Oh, you're acting funny. I'm not, I'm guardian. I can tell I can see you from a mile away. I've had experience, I've been doing this to have been 15. I can I can know a person like you not see it, you know. I'm saying I know how to choose myself or how to be open to give.

SPEAKER_01 41:31

So I be feeling bad about that. Like, I'm getting in my era of like the same thing. I can tell within, and it's like I used to be able to tell, but just overlooking it because okay, I want friends and all this shit, but like no, I can tell within that first meeting, like this probably not gonna be it. Like, and then if I start to separate, I can't put it in like no one, I ain't flipping with you when you ain't flicking with me, go over there. Yeah, and then I feel bad for separating and then what's up? Why we not hanging out no more? No, because you weird, like, and I don't feel like I should it's okay to explain that you're people like yeah, that's me.

SPEAKER_02 42:09

That's like me. Like, everybody, like, how do you just like it's like I feel like it's like an energy too? It's more of a energy I get like a vibe. I'm like, Yeah, I don't I don't think we will ever be friends. They're like, You just like you just met me. I don't you don't really know me. I don't really need to get to know you.

SPEAKER_00 42:24

I don't like you say it'd be weird. And to be honest with y'all, I I left a friendship that I have been with somebody, my friend, my baby since my kids were younger.

SPEAKER_02 42:34

How to get to know you.

SPEAKER_00 42:35

Me and her have been best friends since my kids were younger, and my kids are grown now. Our kids grew up together, and this lady got mad at me because her boyfriend liked me and know I don't like him. But she came to me and said, We I think we all grew each other. Say less. Oh I walked away because wait, what we doing? Like, if you feel if you don't know me by now, you ain't gonna never know me. What pattern the best head, girl? You can go. It's okay. It's okay.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

Girl, that is crazy. Yeah, throwing away the friendship for a man, hood.

SPEAKER_00 43:10

A man that ain't even yours, he's a hood nigga. Wait, okay. Well, I I if you like it, I love it. You think we all grow in each other?

SPEAKER_01 43:22

Right. Let's wait. Let's wait on my shoulders.

SPEAKER_00 43:26

You don't wear it on my shoulder because what you eat don't make me shit.

SPEAKER_02 43:31

Tell me about your let's go on, but let's tell me about your um your health and weight loss journey. I seen something about that.

SPEAKER_00 43:38

Um, I've always been a big girl. I have never been a small girl, so you know I'm always for the big girls. And I I'm right now my current weight is like um 250. This is my goal weight. I've been maintaining it for like a year and a half. But like I said, when I first started this journey, I was pushing 400 and some pounds. Um what really shocked me when I went to the doctor and I had H. polari. I don't know if you guys are familiar with H. polari is like an enzyme that's in your stomach. It turns into stomach cancer if it's not treated. So they kept treating it and it wasn't going away. Um, they was getting ready to send me to infectious diseases because the H. polari in my stomach was not going away. So um I became vegetarian. I tried to flush my system out. I detoxed several times. I started juicing, and everything was nothing was working. So my cardiologist suggested I do gastric bypass. They gonna cut then fake that part of my stomach out, mend it back together. And so I wouldn't start getting on my health quick, my doing my little thing, because I had to lose weight to have surgery. Yeah, like whatever because you see, you've seen my sister's pound life.

SPEAKER_01 44:44

You gotta lose weight to get yeah, better get surgery.

SPEAKER_00 44:49

Yeah, and then so I got to the to the door, the girl that had my surgery. They tested me for H5LR, it was gone. I was like, oh I'm dead all this. I said, might as well go ahead and have the surgery because I'm already here. So I did have the surgery. I had um gastric bypass. Um, I lost at least like 20 pounds my first week. It was so fast because I was I was already a vegetarian, I've been vegetarian for like almost eight years. Um not because of that, but because I worked at um a food processing plant and I see how they do the food, so it's all why I became vegetarian. But yes, and and it just started, and I started feeling better. My joint stopped hurting, started having more energy, and like I said, right now, my goal weight, I've reached my goal weight, um, 250 pounds. That was my goal weight, even though I feel like I might be a little bit smaller than that now. But um, I'm trying to I try to maintain between 240 and 250, 258. I try to stay between that range. I don't want to go smaller than that because I like being chunky, but um, I do I love being chunky.

SPEAKER_01 45:49

But I agree when I got too skinny, you know, black parents, something wrong with you.

SPEAKER_00 45:57

Like I just like I feel like you know, I like being chunky, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:01

I like you know that healthy weight, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:04

Yes, you know, I've been my spoke is hey fat girl, so I'd be like, listen, I can't be out here looking like crackhead skinny and I'm saying hey fat girl. But yes, um I maintain that it's why I teach my my clients as well because I um I maintain help you I help you reach and maintain your goal weight by choosing yourself and being more more healthy, more, more good to yourself, loving yourself. I love you, love yourself back to life. We use positive reinforcement, we use positive vibes, self-love, self-care to help you change your mindset about food because we're people out here eating just to eat. You know what I'm saying? Like what you put your body in is your fuel is your fuel. You know, you have to be more like I said, love yourself more to understand. And it's not what you eat, you can eat whatever meat you want to eat, you can eat whatever you want to eat, but you gotta learn how to start choosing the right portions, choosing the right dynamic for your body. Like your body tells you what it is that you should and shouldn't put in your body. That's why when I first start with my clients, I do a whole overhaul detox, and we slowly introduce food back into our body so you can know which food makes you feel like what. And once I did that, because I did the whole thing myself, so I know it works, and you know what foods make you sluggish, what foods drain in just that are getting you giving you energy, and then we start eliminating those things that drain your and just start putting more of the things that give you energy in and start feeling better, and it's it's like you're gonna lose weight, and you don't gotta think about it, yeah. Yeah, so it's not like diet, diets do not work because once you use those diet, you lose all that weight when you start eating your works, your regular wagon, you're gonna gain it back. Yeah, so it's like you constantly doing this yo-yo thing. The diet didn't stop, diet didn't stop. We're gonna stop that. We're gonna start transforming your mind to this is how I live, this is how this is what I'm supposed to be doing to survive, and you're gonna lose the weight and you're gonna stay off.

SPEAKER_01 48:01

Oh I might sign up, girl, and I don't even want to lose the weight, I just want to be uh I can tone up a little bit, but just being more intentional about what goes into my body and what comes out because girl. Oh child, that's a whole other thing. I need a personal sense. I ain't about to tell the you can email me, girl.

SPEAKER_00 48:24

You can you can text me, email me. I'll give you a free section and we can talk about it in a bit.

SPEAKER_01 48:30

I ain't about to tell the podcast, I gotta digest the problems and shit.

SPEAKER_00 48:34

Like I got a whole small art, and listen, I can only eat this much. I eat frequently just small portions because I can't really eat that much.

SPEAKER_01 48:43

Yeah, okay, okay. Yes, because you got some Yuri, very knowledgeable, very knowledgeable. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 48:51

I've been doing this, I've true to this, I ain't new to this. It's called Mercedes Closet. Uh-huh. Um, I named it after my first original book. My first original book is called Mercedes Closet Keeping Deadly Secrets. It has um it has two portions. The first one is Mercedes Closet Keeping Deadly Secrets. The next installment is Mercedes Closet, Lust Lies and Deadly Entanglements. Um, I it's my fictional version of my life with domestic violence. So I give a fictional account of things that I go through that I went through in domestic violence. The main character in those books, the thing that she went through in the book, some of the stuff happened to me in real life. Um and I went on to go on and to what happened. I went on to um found a non-profit because we are so loud and proud about being gay, but when it comes to domestic violence and when it comes to trans violence, when it comes to everything the vice that we experience in life, we we don't talk about it. Um we all want to be hush-hush about HIV, about how we being treated in society, about how we are seen in society, we clam up.

SPEAKER_02 50:06

How could like for anyone? Um, how could they better support the LGBQ uh survivors? Like, how can we help?

SPEAKER_00 50:16

Like if we was we we do several fundraisers throughout the year. Like April is sexual assault awareness, I'm a survivor of sexual assault. Um, we do a big fundraiser in March and we um collect money that we buy uh um sexual assault kits. Because I I never I never disclosed my sexual assault, I didn't go to the hospital, so it I it wasn't until later that I learned that when they go to the hospital, they take their clothes, and they they often leave in in hospital gowns, and you know hospital gowns are so revealing. So we bought um little bags that have like um change of clothing in it, they have like toiletries in there, it has like um change of underwear, it has like a handwritten note from other survivors, um, it has like a bear, and it even have we do we even did one for kids, so they have one for kids as well, one for adults, men and women, one for kids, one girl. The kids have coloring books in it and crayons, and the other one has like a notepad and a pen. They can go home and they don't have to walk around and being exposed in the hospital down if they've already been traumatized. So we have a fundraiser in March, and we we purchased the the kids in um in April. I don't know if you guys are familiar with Georgia, but we we gave them to like um Grady Hospital, which is the big hospital that's in Georgia, in Atlanta, I'm from Atlanta, and we gave one to the Cab County and as well as Gwynette County. So we we do we do that um every year, and we do stuff for like domestic violence stuff too. So we always go to Pride and we, you know, we go to Pride and we sell it and even for people donate or they buy my books and stuff, like 10% of my book purchase I always go back into my nonprofit, so it's like I always tackle my money, you know. And um, what we what we did before COVID, we haven't um because like our this whole stuff is going on, but we put people up and have to leave their houses emergency. We used to put them up in hotels, so we're trying to get that back started. But our funding had got hit real hard when COVID had um came around. So um we want to start by doing that. And we used to have a support group every second serve of the month, but like I said, once COVID hit, everybody got displaced, so we kind of like been wonky with that. But we're trying to get everything back into motion, but this whole political stuff is really kind of like hitting my mind. So I do everything out of pocket, so it's like I don't really wait around on nobody to say where we're gonna give you donations. If somebody needs my help, I'm gonna get it, I'm gonna do it. I'm not gonna wait around to nobody give a donation and do nothing, I'm gonna do it myself because I know how I feel not to not have the be outside with the kids and don't have nowhere to go, so we just do it. So we don't um I don't look for nothing in return. I don't ask them to return nothing. I they need my help on there, so it's just like this is how I feel. I feel like I I went through domestic violence with my husband as well as my ex-girlfriend, and the times were so different. Like when I was with my husband, they gave me like so many resources to go here, they gave me a divorce for free. They I come and pick up these, I do this for the kids and this for the kids. My girlfriend was busting out my windows, we just kept kicking my door in. Police wouldn't help me, they wouldn't do nothing for me. And it's like I felt like I needed help. So I decided to come to help that I was looking for.

SPEAKER_02 53:28

Yeah, so like I get like also I just feel like when it comes to like like lesbian relationships, it's not taken with the when it comes to domestic violence, it's not taken as serious because it's two females together, even with okay, good, yeah. Yeah, it's like yeah, because it's like okay, that's a guy too, or that's a girl too. Like, so um you want to know the judge seriously that it should be.

SPEAKER_00 53:53

The judge told me he didn't feel like I was being personally threatened. Oh wow, then we told me. I told him the next time I call you, you're gonna pick up bite up on my line. I'm not gonna be a victim no more. You wanna help me? I'm gonna blow ass away. I'm trying to do it the right way, but it's no literally, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:11

Like I was trying to, I'm trying to be, I'm trying to do it this way, but you making me go this way.

SPEAKER_00 54:17

So I decided to be the help that I was looking for. So somebody else came along and they looking for help. I want to be a resource.

SPEAKER_02 54:24

That's good. So if your nonprofit could change one thing tomorrow, what what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 54:33

The LGBTQ community being stopped being so silent about domestic violence, about trans violence. Um, I tried to write a book several years ago. I'm gonna try to do it again, but it's called Behind the Closet Doors because I want to I want to put our domestic violence on mainstream because our voices matter. People out there need to hear how we made it through and to help them. They need to hear our encouragement, to hear our voices, our strength. And if we hide behind being proud about being gay, that we're not so proud about being uh a survival domestic violence.

SPEAKER_02 55:10

Yeah. We're trying to survive into storytelling. Um when when did writing become part of your healing?

SPEAKER_00 55:19

I never wanted to share my story, to be honest with you. Um, but I I I felt like I went through a suicidal moment in my life. I felt like my my children's father would not leave me alone. I felt like death was my only option. Um and I feel like my kids saved me. Um my daughter was like three years old, and I was ready to kill myself. I had the pills in my hand. I put my kids to bed, I said a prayer, and I went in my room to take the pills. I gotta make me cry again. And um before I could get my thoughts together, my three-year-old came in my room and was like, Mama, you ain't gotta cry no more. And then she walked out of the room. When I followed behind her, which in my mind it took like seconds, she was already in her bed knocked out. So I'm like, it couldn't be nobody but God. The next day I walked to the mental health clinic. I said, I think I'm crazy. I think I'm going crazy. And the lady asked me what was going on, and I said, She told me, No, baby, you're not crazy. You just wouldn't do something. Um and she told me to keep a journal because I was having real current nightmares and they they wouldn't come out of my head. So I was writing down stuff, and I turned that journal into my first book. I elaborated on it, and elaborated on it, and um I never really I never wanted to publish it. And I had a coach and she was like, Oh yeah, we're gonna do something with this. Go on, we're gonna go on and put this on paper, we can go ahead and do that. And I did it, and I've been writing ever since 2019. I've been writing ever since.

SPEAKER_01 56:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 56:57

I like that, I like that. Um so what do you hope readers feel when they finish like one of your books or any of your stories?

SPEAKER_00 57:07

Inspired to know that domestic violence or sexual violence or any kind of whatever trauma you experienced in your life was just a bus stop. That's not your destination. Um, being raped don't define who I am. Being a victim of domestic violence don't define who I am. I make my own journey. I'm my own person, my destiny is mine, and your destiny is yours. I want you to ignite your voice, your story matters. Somebody needs to hear it, and let's get it. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 57:45

Yeah. So girl, so what is next for April?

SPEAKER_00 57:53

I I just published myself, I just published a new book a couple of months ago called Mr. Big. Um I'm doing fiction now. I'm I've moved past the whole domestic violence thing. That was um look, I'm done. I've done so many books about domestic violence, about me being a survivor. I said, I won't try my hand in fiction. I did a parallel romance, so I'm doing LGBTQ fiction right now. So I write my last book I just finished was I published with Mr. Big, and right now I'm about to publish another book. It's called Murder in the First. I'm gonna get out of the T bit about murder in the First. Um, a young lady goes out in the morning to walk her dog and she comes back home to find her wife murdered, and she goes to jail for it.

SPEAKER_01 58:38

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_02 58:42

I'm gonna have to read them. I'm definitely gonna have to read those. Um, I'm definitely gonna have to like I'm gonna have to pick one of those. Like, as what where do they on? Like this, like Amazon, Kindle.

SPEAKER_00 58:52

You can put my name, you can put my name in Amazon. You can also Google me, and everything I come, everything I do come up my website, my social media come up. Yeah, you have Amazon Prime, put my name, April M. Jackson Hunter, and Amazon Prime. Yeah, the books that I got ghostwrites to some of my ghostwritten books come up to me. So yeah, girl, I might have one.

SPEAKER_01 59:13

I might have already read one because I love the little um urban fiction, urban, yeah, the urban fiction novels.

SPEAKER_00 59:23

Um our first paranormal romance is called Queen of Darkness. Um, of course, you I don't know if you know follow up vampires and and werewolves, but of course you know Van Helsing and Dracula are enemies, but in my book, they kind of like fall in love, so and they lesbian, so I love it. That is yes, yes, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 59:46

I'm gonna definitely have to look you up. Um, we can go ahead and end this.

SPEAKER_00 59:51

They can find me all across social media at authoraperm Jackson Hunter. You can Google me my name, or you can put up www.aprmjacksonhunter.com. My website will come up. You can find me. And if you hear me tonight and you want to get a free discovery session, just hit me up on social media and I got you.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:10

Um it has been amazing. Like I appreciate that much. We have and learned and it was good. It was good, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:23

Thank y'all for having me again.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:25

Yes, it has been wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:28

I could be another guest again, so I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:30

Yes, because I'm about to say we might be in the party too. Like, but it's so crazy when I say you remind me so much of my mom, like, through all the stuff you've been through with your journey, even now doing like the life coaching thing, and like that's the same thing. Like, she's turning like her pain and stuff into you know, helping people. And so it's so good to be able to like see her as her daughters, like go through all that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:02

And still be standing.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:04

Yeah, we be strong for y'all.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:05

We be strong for y'all like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:07

And I feel like I be trying to be strong for her, cuz like you said, you gotta live the life sometimes for somebody other than yourself.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:18

Cause girl, I would have been out of here if I was just thinking about me.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:23

But I'm my mama only daughter. I I can't do it. I can't do it too.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:31

Okay. Well, thank you for um joining us today, telling us your story. Uh, we appreciate your honesty, your vulnerability, uh, and the work you've doing to help others not be alone. If today's conversation made you think, cry, laugh, gave you hope, we'll love to hear from you. So make sure y'all send us that fan mail, share your stories, leave us some voicemails so we can listen, and maybe it could be on our next episode. Um, our website is pretty gay problems-podcast dot online. Your story might be on our next episode. So thank y'all for listening, and thank you for continuing growing with us, PG uh family. Remember, love, healing, and strength aren't designations, they're things we're choosing to practice every day. Remember, we talk, we heal, we live, we free. I'm your host, Tiny, and you'll listen to Pretty Gay Problems. Until next Thursday, keep us showing, keep showing up for yourself. Love y'all. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:33

Bye.